Write whatever shitpost comes to mind here. Try to keep the content Brainwave focussed.

• The sun
• A penguin
• Geraint's soul (kept in the White Raccoon wiki for 8 weeks)
• A literal White Raccoon.
• Rowan's housemate's curtains

(The fact this section is right below “Keep the content Brainwave focused” is hilarious to me)

The Only Two People in the World – Honey and Katya

Please – Roshni / Therapy

“The World's Most Toxic Relationship” - Gemma – Roshni/Katya

Completing the love polygon above – Honey/Leif + Leif/Therapy

Rich, Hot and Steamy a.k.a. Hannibal Apparently - Evangeline x Coffey

girl help, my executives are dysfunctioning — Katya/Honey/Morgan/Roshni/Alexia (+ any other NPCs/PCs who gave business cards and clearly have issues)

The Work of Being a Wallflower — Calla/Roshni

Fuck the fourth wall – Roshni/Maisie

Definitely a full relationship - Leif/Honey

Pre-Rejected Rejection - Katya/Roshni

Political Animals - Mayor Politick / Karen Duppelbottom

The whole political zoo - Mayor Politick / Karen Duppelbottom / Mort / Evangeline

Ooh Doctor - Evangeline/Martin/Mortina

Drop dead romantics - Dr Death/Nick.Ro.Mancer

Slippery When Wet — Amari/Roshni

Arrangement for 2.5 children - Katya & her spouse / Honey & Leif

“It has eyes only for you.” - Beignet/Evangeline

Martini - Martin/Mortina/Roshni

Frostler - Quill/Tabula Rasa

Election Fever - Mort/Evangeline

Flirtus Interruptus - Leif/Honey (new ship name for new relationship stage)

The Radiant Mother/The Night Mother

There are so many of them I think we need some sub-headings.

• Fashion/Clothing
  • Runway (one of the world's top fashion magazines, with many international editions, including British Runway and Runway Italia)
  • Calliphobia (a high-fashion brand with a tendency towards the avant-garde)
  • Adamas (very expensive jewellery)
  • Balancia (a high-fashion brand known for exquisite workmanship but also flamboyant designs)
  • Sunyata (a jewellry brand that specialises in diamonds)
  • Palpatine (high-quality versions of clothing basics like shirts)
  • Rabu (clothing and sometimes toys with a pop-culturey theme. less high-fashion than the other listed clothes brands. Neon colours, big Japanese text, that kind of thing.)
  • Neige (a French luxury designer fashion brand known for its ultra feminine and elegant designs)
• Tech/Websites
  • MomentGlyph (an image-focused social media site)
  • WorkConnect (a networking website for professionals and employment)
  • Sunburst (tech company, kind of like Apple and Amazon but somewhat less dystopian)
  • LILEE (an open online database of academic IDs and publications)
  • Bispeakle (language learning app with an insistent fox mascot)
  • BlockBrick (a failed tech company that doesn't exist any more)
  • Chirper (twitter)
  • Miryad and Moogle (search engines)
  • Debtflix (You better pay your monthly subscription… or else)
  • HoardVPN - Failed tech company
  • Quikompendium (online, openly editable encyclopedia)
  • Help! (an online review site, used by companies to improve their services)
  • Ivy and D1ngD0ng (a pair of similar apps, where users make short videos)
• Misc
  • Holywood (it's Hollywood but not)
  • didli (low cost supermarket chain)
  • Morrowfield's (supermarket)
  • Coma cola (any claims about the possible effects of this product on your health are only alleged, no comas are used during the production of coma cola… anymore)
  • Uwuber (the taxi service for dog people)
  • WcDonalds - a fast food restaurant
  • Eyekea (a DIY furniture brand from Norway. Also sells surprisingly good hotdogs)
  • Votreseigneur (famous French mystic and self-styled prophet of the 16th century, famous for the vagueness of their quintains)
  • The Cinders (beloved regular contest between the English and Australian softball teams)

• Roshni is god
• Roshni is playing white racoon
• Roshni is the mistress of fun
• Roshni is turning into a Nightmare
• The entire Bahri family was in her head when she became a psychic and have been stuck there ever since.
• Maisie forgot her character concept and started making it up
• Roshni is Maisie, trapped in Discord and unable to escape
• Roshni is Spotify
• Roshni is Schnoo. Saina is Honk.

Very good, everybody 🥰 I will not confirm or deny any of these until My Time comes — Maisie?/Roshni?

(OC/IC: Uhhhhhhh that’s not a threat I promise lol)

Categorising the characters based on https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celestial_Emporium_of_Benevolent_Knowledge pretty arbitrarily based on my (Andrew's) impression so far. Unfortunately the list is slightly the wrong length.

• those belonging to the Emperor : Lief
• embalmed ones : Mortina
• trained ones : Katya
• suckling pigs : Quentin
• mermaids (or sirens) : Aira
• fabled ones : Evangaline
• stray dogs : Quill
• those included in this classification : Josh
• those that tremble as if they were mad : Roshni
• innumerable ones : Calla
• those drawn with a very fine camel hair brush : Morgan
• et cetera : Martin
• those that have just broken the vase : Tim
• those that from afar look like flies : Coffey

1. Dr Evangeline Chevalier (self-explanatory, dog person)
2. Katya Kearney (according to Honey)
3. Aira Aalto (mourning attire with blood-red shoes? Equal parts suspicious and stylish. Also, wants to be the most famous person in Museford)
4. Coffey O'Mooney (who better to cover up a crime than the person “investigating” it?)
5. Dr Mortina Death (nominative determinism, nothing to do with actual behaviour or personality, + spooky avatar)
6. Morgan Walker (“Psychic services on weekends only” - that leaves plenty of time for crimes during the week!)
7. Quill Thompson (spooky avatar, + stressful jobs)
8. Leif Richards (stressful job)
9. Calla Winters (wears a trenchcoat (inherently suspicious))
10. Quentin Davis (it's always the quiet ones…tortured artist vibes, perhaps?)
11. Martin (has lots of free time during the academic vacation for mischief…) (“Mischief” seems like a weird name for a string of mysterious deaths…)
12. Honey (murder always risks blood staining clothes)
13. Tim Garden (Seems chill. More murders means fewer commuters for the train.)
14. Josh Manning (good egg, surely he wouldn't)
15. Roshni (surely would have said something by now, has the alibi of being busy responding to every other PC enquiring after them)

• Aira - Psychic
• Calla - Psychic
• Coffey - Psychic
• Evangeline - Psychic
• Martin - Psychic
• Mortina - Psychic
• Honey - Psychic
• Josh - Psychic
• Katya - Psychic
• Leif - Psychic
• Morgan - Psychic
• Quentin - Psychic
• Quill - Psychic
• Roshni - Psychic
• Saina - Psychic
• Bahri - Psychic
• Tim - Psychic
• Linus - Psychic
• Amari - Psychic
• Sandy - Psychic
• Ava - Psychic
• Argus - Psychic
• Amanda - Psychic
• Cassidy - Normal

[FULL COMPANY] The election of 2022

[Evangeline] Can we get into politics?

[Mort] Please?

[Evangeline] Yo. Ev’ry action has an equal, opposite reaction Politick shat the bed. I love the guy, but he’s in traction Poor Roshni Saina? She is missing in action So now I’m facing—

[Evangeline AND Stan] Dr Death!

[Evangeline] With their own faction

[Stan] They’re very attractive in Breadspace. Receptives like their chances

[Evangeline] They’ve got passion, but dear me, no finances

[Stan] How will they fund it? Oh, under the right circumstances -

[Evangeline] And they say I’m a Francophile: at least I’ve actually been to Paris!

[Stan] Dr, that’s the problem, see, they see Mort as a less extreme you

[Evangeline] Ha!

[Stan] You need to change course, a key endorsement might redeem you

[Evangeline] Who did you have in mind?

[Stan] Don’t laugh

[Evangeline] Who is it?

[Stan] She made you her polygraph

[Evangeline] Whaaaat

[Stan] It might be nice, it might be nice To get Coffey on your side

[Evangeline AND Stan] It might be nice, it might be nice To get Coffey on your side

[Mort & ENSEMBLE] Reduce! Mort! Reuse! Mort! Don’t buy fast fashion, you don’t need twelve pairs of shoes! Mort! Recycle more! Mort! Drive less! Mort! It’s 2022, we cannot afford to live like this!

[MALE VOTER 1] I don’t like Martin

[FEMALE VOTER 1] Well, he didn't run, that’s just defeatist

[MALE VOTER 1] And Chevalier—

[TWO MEN VOTERS] In love with France!

[FEMALE VOTER 1] Yeah, she’s so elitist!

[TWO WOMEN] I like that Dr Death!

[FEMALE VOTER 2] I can’t believe we’re here with them!

[MALE VOTER 1] They seem approachable…?

[MALE VOTER 2] Like you could grab a beer with them!

[ENSEMBLE] Dear Coffey O’Mooney: your fellow psychics would like to know how you’ll be voting

[Coffey] It’s all connected

[ENSEMBLE] Dear Coffey O’Mooney: Politick doesn’t stand a chance, so who are you promoting?

[Coffey] Just need one more clue

[MEN, WOMEN, & BOTH] Chevalier/Death? Chevalier/Death? We know it’s lose-lose Chevalier/Death? Chevalier/Death? But if you had to choose

[EVEN MORE VOTERS & MEN AND WOMEN] Dear Coffey O’Mooney: (Chevalier/Death?) Politick doesn’t stand a chance so who are you promoting? (We know it’s lose-lose Chevalier/Death?) But if you had to choose (But if you had to choose)

[Coffey] Well, if it ain’t Evangeline. Dr!

[Evangeline] Coffey!

[Coffey] You’ve created quite a stir, Dr!

[Evangeline] I’ve bought the park!

[Coffey] You’re running for the office?

[Evangeline] Sure!

[Coffey] That’s new

[Evangeline] Honestly, it’s been exciting

[Coffey] Dr—

[Evangeline] Officer!

[Coffey] Is there anyone you wouldn’t screw?

[Evangeline] No. I’m chasing what I want And you know what?

[Coffey] What?

[Evangeline] I learned that from you

[ENSEMBLE] If you had to choose If you had to choose

[Stan] It’s a tie!

[ENSEMBLE] If you had to choose If you had to choose

[Evangeline] It’s up to the psychics!

[ENSEMBLE] If you had to choose If you had to choose

[Evangeline/Mort] It’s up to Coffey!

[VOTERS & Stan AND ENSEMBLE] If you had to choose (Chevalier/Death?) If you had to choose If you had to Choose (Choose) Choose (Choose) Choose! (Choose!)

[Coffey] Yo

[ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] The people are asking to hear my voice

[ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] For Museford is facing a difficult choice

[ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] And if you were to ask me who I’d promote—

[ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] —Dr Death has my vote

[Evangeline/Mort/ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] These Drs have never seen eye to eye once

[Evangeline/Mort/ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] They’ve fought on like seventy-five diff’rent fronts

[Evangeline/Mort/ENSEMBLE] Oh!

[Coffey] But when all is said and all is done Dr Death has beliefs. She has none.

[ENSEMBLE] Oooooooooooooh

[Evangeline AND Mort] Well, I’ll be damned Well, I’ll be damned

[Evangeline] Coffey is on your side

[ENSEMBLE] Well, I’ll be damned Well, I’ll be damned

[Evangeline] And?

[Stan] You lost in a landslide

[Mort] Congrats on a race well-run You did give me a fight

[Evangeline] Uh-huh

[Mort] I look forward to our nature walks

[Evangeline] Our nature walks?

[Mort] In Shotovern’t?

[Evangeline] Ha. Yeah, right You hear this kid? They openly campaign against me, talkin’ bout, “I look forward to our nature walks.”

[Stan] It’s crazy that the public gets to walk in your garden

[Evangeline] Ooh!, you know what? We can change that. You know why?

[Stan] Why?

[Evangeline] ‘cuz I own it. Hey, Coffey, when you see Mort, thank them for the tour.

• An independent nuclear deterrent for Museford
• Make Nightmares pay taxes to discourage them
• Set up a commission to investigate the feasibility of psychics directly stimulating the sensory array to make it seem like things are going better than they are
• Nominate the pet python as a running mate
• Surveil those involved in running elections to ensure they don't leak compromising information…
• More owls
• Need to appeal to youth. Town Hall Harlem shake video?
• Invite Disney to shoot a High School Musical reboot in Museford

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I'm just building Headspace monopoly

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

All Headspaces will belong to me

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

All psychic beings are a travesty

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

How bad could that possibly be?

Well there's a principle of Headspace

That almost every psychic knows

It's called “Tabula Rasa winner” (Tabula Rasa Winner)

And check it this is how it goes

The entity that wins has to eat and eat and kill and bite and punch

And the entity that doesn't, well the entity that doesn't, winds up Tabula Rasa's lu-lu-lu-lunch (lunch lunch lunch!)

I'm just saying!

Someone got a broken nose from playing quidditch, and while waiting in A&E got convinced by Maisie to make a list of PCs as their positions, so you can thank her for this.

Aira: Head Ref
Calla: Chaser, Welfare Officer
Coffey: Beater, Beater Coach
Evangeline: President, only spectates
Martin: Head Coach, retired from play
Mort: Keeper, Captain
Honey: Chaser, Stash Officer
Josh: Beater, no one’s sure whether he’s still part of the team because he’s been ghosting everyone for weeks
Katya: Beater, Social Sec
Leif: Keeper, Webmaster
Morgan: Assistant Ref, Treasurer
Quentin: Seeker, Secretary
Quill: Seeker, star player
Roshni: Cheer squad
Saina: Beater (until they get red carded for a face beat)
Tim: Chaser, Keenest Fresher

Argus: Snitch Runner

Bloody Josh:
20 oz vodka
4 oz fake blood
Pour the drink into another glass to escape scrutiny
Stare into the scarlet depths of your cocktail and dredge up the memories your mind has tried to repress
Top up with tears